so much to say ... where am i going .. what is the point ... why does everyday seem likes its my last ... and why does everyday seem the same.. why does past events haunt me ... why do i care so much about people that in time care absolutly nothing for me... and why is it .. that when i ask these questions .. i feel better about myself....

I remember back when i was scared ..
back when we first met ..
looking back .. when we first had a picture of our hands touching ..
and what i was thinking .. i was feeling scared and intimidated because i had never felt anything like this .. i didnt want it to go away .. i liked that feeling

from our first introduction ... to the first kiss ... to the sounds of the begining of our song playing in my head ... to the smile that continues each day... we ourselves have changed ... but not for the worst .. were more knowledgeable now .. we understand eachother .. we know what were going to do before we go and do it ... but that makes things interesting ... there is still much to learn .... and a life time to learn.

Well i was just thinking today on how much i hate humanity .. people in general are nothing more then rabid dogs .. they make me sick .. always with "power and control" like there lives are so meaningless and nothing gives them joy anymore. its the only thing that really strives them to live ... its also amazing how inanimate objects can tear apart the soul of someone who has never heart anyone in there life ... and how "Helping" someone can just be treated as a buisness relationship ... rather than actually helping them .. ive always done my best to make sure everyone was happy that i cared about .. but its crazy because you can try as hard as you like and no matter what youre not going to please someone ... but the thing that really irritates me .. when someone is hurting .. when someone is makeing you feel like shit .. and the other person knows this .. but for some reason .. keeps going and smileing and laughing like there not bothered by this ..1 situation that comes to mind ... i was walking with someone very close to me and these guys come out across the street .. pointing a stupid lazer pointer at us and shined it in her eye .. so she got pissed off and told them to stop .. what did they do .. keep going .. infact they went as far as to threaten me and her .. egging herself and me on .. tawnting us .. it was just me and her .. and 4 of them .. but no surprise there .. these homie wanna be bitches seem to like to do that .. so ya know what .. we did an asshole thing too .. we went back and got a bunch of friends to come and help us out .. after confronting them a bunch of our friends left so it was pretty much even .. all we wanted was an appology and that was it .. we would have all left and nothing more said .. but no .. theses guys persisted on and was like "were not going to appologise, where men" .. direct quote .. these guys actually believed that by not appologiseing it made them stronger men when infact they looked like fucking pussies ... thats the shit that bugs me .. the ignorance of people .. EVERYONE does it .. i admit ive done some dick head things but i only do this when im pissed or in a negative mood .. but i atleast own up to my mistakes and stop when ive realized that ive emotionally hurt someone .. if i physically hurt someone then i dont care cause i dont like violence and try to avoid it as much as possible so if they have turned me to hurt them in that way they probably deserved it .. i dont try and minipulate people and make them feel like they are a piece of shit... i hate that .. but more and more im seeing that ..it just doesnt stop .. and ya know what .. im doing this cause im pissed .. im saying this cause i can ... this isnt meant to hurt anyone or cause any type of fucking revolation .. this is just ment for me so all of you whiney bitches who dont like me or who doesnt like what im saying in here tough .. its my life and im able to choose to do whatever i want .. im not stupid .. my grammer sucks ... my spelling sucks .. and im not very knowledgeable when it comes to certain shit .. but i can honestly say nobody controls my fucking life... anyone who has a problem with it then fucking talk to ME ! .. why is that so hard for some people .. thats another thing that bugs me .. hearing about how somebody doesnt like something about me .. if you dont like it then talk to me .. dont make it gossip .. or something youre going to use against me later cause thats just cowardace .. yes i know i spelled that wrong .. i dont care .. anyways im dragging this on and shit .. i miss my mikki and im going to go watch a movie and sit with her and sorry for anyone who has read this far .. i know it doesnt make sence but its all good to me cause i feel better

Its Busy at work

So this is probably going to be the biggest rant ive had since aug 16th .. i dont even remember what was in that rant .. so yea ... im still alive .. dont know how the hell that happened but yea ..

Man every time i try and type something i get a call gotta love working ... anyways .. they just sent a bunch of people home so now im screwed.. i now have to take there calls .. i hate this place so much .. i pretty much have to sit alone because everyone here just complains and complains about everything .. weather its something at home or something at work .. they spend like and hour here and go home .. im not much better at staying here but its only because i hate this so much .. i mean its the best call center job ive ever had .. but still i hate people .. we had our shift bids the other day .. and i got a shitty shift dumped on me .. its better then what i could have had but yea .. people were walkin back to there pods saying they were so happy they got 830 to 5 .. or 9 to 630 pm .. when they dont even stay here long enough to even finish a shift .. i mean i got 12:30 pm to 9 am .. i was pretty much down graded because right now im working 11 to 730 .. and i went up on senority .. its fucking bullshit .. and the people who call in now are just stuck up assholes .. i hate america !!!


wow i was able to type that paragraph without getting a call .. yay lol gawd .. anyways ... so im still currently with my soul mate right now ... shes my whole world .. i just have to learn to show it a bit more ... ive been so wraped up in thinking about work .. and responsibilities that it makes me depressed and feel useless .. i want to take her out to places and enjoy the time we have together but lately its been extreemly cold out and we seem to be stuck in the appartment .. which is so hard to keep clean .. blah ... man .. i love her so much .. i just wish i could give her everything she ever wanted ... she deserves it .. it rips my heart out everytime she is upset .. i wish there was something i could do about susie q .. sitting here doing nothing is one of the hardest things i can do ...

man if i hear those 2 words "home early" im going to burn dismothafukn place to the ground ! ..

so yea just got another call .. was all excited because i hadnt booked any reservations yet .. and ive takein 5 calls .. she wanted to .. but there was no discounts available for her because the hotel is a piece of shit .. man i hate this job .. o well ..

there was something i was going to say but i forget what it is ..

Something about turkeys ... meh ..

man why dont people flush the toilet .. i know theres the big fear of it over flowing and youre shit will be all over the floor but really .. why do people take a big shit and just leave it in the toilet .. blah ...

so yea i took my puppy in .. shes staying with me untill may so mom doesnt have to walk her in the cold .. i can handle it .. for the most part .. its just hard to walk her because i dont have alot of time in the mornings ....................................................................................................... i just heard the 2 words .... ................ give me a match ... FAWK !!

anyways .. so the band kindof has a new singer ... dont know if its for sure yet .. me and tyler both want him in but he is in a new band and that almost always complicates things .. we got rid of 3 bassists now because of that .. the other 3 where just not working out lol or they really really sucked .. our other singer left because he said it wasnt just in his heart anymore .. yet he said he wanted to take one of our songs that he wrote incase he wants to join another band .. but we all think he was in another one anyways ....

but yea .. i just want to do shows again ... it was a rush to watch people head banging and moshing .. when we didnt even know who they were .. we made alot of friends when we were doing shows ... it was just great ...

i got a new tattoo .. i love it .. looking at it and the empty space around it makes me want to finish off my forearm ... ill probably post pics of my tattoos on here later .. if there isnt already ones on here .. i dont remember .. its been awhile since i looked...

man people are nosey ...

KUNG FU NINJAS !!

man i miss how fun this job used to be .. i kinda figured it would go bad .. just cause every other job has ... i want to go back to school .. and do something good .. if not with music then with computers .. that would be great ... music is starting to look like a downward spiral tho .. ive tried so hard to get a band together and get things working but its just hard depending on other people to do there part ... the only person who ive jamed with in this band who has stuck around threw everything has been tyler .. and go figure hes a drummer lol normally the drummers are the hardest to find but ive been jamming with him for almost 4 years now .. hes good guy i just wish i able to hang out with him more then just jam days ..

man it just keeps getting better ... fuck i got pulled aside by my supervisor because i took too many days off .. my conversion is low ... my transfers suck ... overall she should have just told me to quit .. so now im flippin out because im stuck here with no way to fucking vent and i still have .. around an hour and 20 minutes left to my fucking shift ... so now i have to show up here and work my shitty job .. with the nosey fucking assholes .. anyways .. gtg.